Uncategorized

My first day?

It really is day three, but my first morning in Japan. Last night I stayed in the Shibuya district, which was still booming with nightlife from the night before, as I start off into the expanse at 5:45am local time.

And now I am on the train, headed to Tokyo station. My plan is to hit the Imperial Palace and the Tokyo National museum.

But we will see…. my eyes dart to unknown alleys and mysterious staircases to uncharted place. I could get lost in a place like this… really lost.

Maybe that is why I came here in the first place.

my Tao, Uncategorized

Wordless Questions | part II

“Often as I walked out under the stars, looking up into those silent depths with unspeakable longing for some answer to the wordless questions within me” – C.M.C.

| part 2 |

To refresh from my previous post, I have always seen this quote in two parts;

  • often as I walked out under those stars, looking up into those silent depths
  • unspeakable longing for some answer to the wordless questions within me

 

“At the ledge of the Abyss, the precipice of the self, the aversion of thine eyes… from the Abyss… to within the Self.”

That’s how we ended part one, on my realization that the answers to the wordless questions within me might not be found in the Abyss after all these years of searching, but might simply be found in…. wait for it….. [its a shocker]….

ME.

This silly old goose you say? Somewhere in…. here? I mean, I knew the questions were inside myself, but now you are telling me the answers too?

YES.

*insert head explosion*

| a pause now, a slight delay. life just dealt me a blow. |

| Read the post titled: Scared & Speechless |

Let me now get back to what we were talking about, picking up the shrapnel from my head explosion….. and the realization sets in of the magnitude of this perspective. Quit looking for answers out there, and start looking for answers in here.

*boom again*

but this inevitably leads me down an entirely new rabbit whole, does it not?

I must now start again at the beginning, at the complete absence of the Universe, and re-settle into the quiet calm of the lone. Where do I even begin, if I is what I am trying to answer?

*circular reasoning, tangent averted*

I am ill-prepared to look inside. I have spent a lifetime, many lifetimes, looking out there, foolishly focused on the Abyss.

I must….. refine. I must…. re-imagine. I must begin.

YES sml

“As for me, count me in the determined company of those who choose Life and Yes, no matter what” – Robert Fulghum

I struggled to get to the end of this post.

-BrokenSquirrel

Uncategorized

the Wordless Questions

YES sml
“Often as I walked out under the stars, looking up into those silent depths with unspeakable longing for some answer to the wordless questions within me” – C.M.C.

This quote has been a staple of mine for years now. Always thrown out at a time in my life when I have been truly lost, or deep in discontentment;  my re-acknowledgement of the pure reality that is living, the understanding we only have that which is the ‘I‘ inside our each of our own heads. Yes… I am talking to you, ME. But I digress – tangent. Back to the quote.

I have always seen this quote in two parts;

  • often as I walked out under those stars, looking up into those silent depths
  • unspeakable longing for some answer to the wordless questions within me

The first part… given. I am a man who has spent the night alone on a trail through the ‘most wilderness’ of places that are here within 50 miles of the Bay many, many…. surprisingly many a time in his life, and that all being until only recently. There is nothing like that feel of the great expanse of the darkness outdoors; that feeling and depth of the ‘space’ around you, the feeling of your astronomical irrelevancy in the greater Cosmos.This is the part of the quote I loved so much, for I believed that the feeling I am describing comes from the expanse itself. That is why I have always used this quote, to show how the Cosmos itself can touch you, can make you have this feeling inside you… and that…. that my friends will lead you to the answers for those wordless questions within yourself.

But I think I have been…. wrong.

And for those of you who know me, I do not say that… lightly.

It was not the silent depths of the Universe that has the answers to the questions I find deep within myself. Now I want to focus on the second half, for that is truly were I am currently at. At the ledge of the Abyss, the precipice of the self, the averted of thine eyes…

From the Abyss… to within the Self.

(part 1 of 2)

-BrokenSquirrel

 

Uncategorized

There are neither.

kafka

“There are neither beginnings or endings to the turning of the Wheel of Time. But it was a beginning.” -Robert Jordan

It seems so very peculiar to me that all these years have gone by, all of this time has past, all of these moments have happened, and yet I will always be straddled with the fact that I am left staring at the now inevitable ledge in front of me…. that inevitable ledge that has always been in front of me.

Continue reading “There are neither.”